Yes the wording sounds good to me too!
It is quite strange for a child to not ask for their dad, he's obviously happier with just his mummy.

If you're worried about money there is a very useful site which tells you everything you're entitled to, all you do is type in all your details. Hope this doesn't get deleted i'll put spaces in see if that works w w w . e n t i t l e d t o . c o . u k

Hiya all, thanks nicola and Elise for comments, haven't checked website yet but that's my next stop, thanks.

Well he rang tonight about 5.30, I ignored the phone it rang for ages, 10 mintues later it rang again for ages, he rang 3 more times and text home phone twice (didn't know you could do that?) and text my mobile, I quote "ring me xxxx" , anyway he used a mates phone and rang at 7.30, I knew it was him and I answered as was mostly worried that this could go on all night. Anyway he was all nicey nicey asked why I hadn't answered phone and I said I was busy, he said thought you might be in a mood coz I haven't rung all week, I said I am, he then b s'd me by saying no signal I confronted him saying how come friends husband managed and he just made excuses, I said whatever I don't believe you, he said oh cheers for that, then had the nerve to ask if I had missed him,. I blatently said no, again he said cheers for that, I said well I haven't simple as that. He then dropped the bombshell, yes you guessed it, he'll be home about 3pm tomorrow, instead of 5pm Saturday AHHHHHHHH, he asked, only coz is the right thing to do not coz he wanted to, about the kids and how I was, like he cares, anyway kept the whole conversation short and one word answers, at the end of the call he said "love you" and I said "love you" back, why oh why did I say that AHHHHHHH.

After I came off the phone I felt weird and thought he sounded ok and quite happy go lucky, will I ever learn that he is always like this, I can guarantee he will be in a mood when he gets back, slobbing around the house using the excuse that he is tired which is why he will sleep at every opportunity. Anyway my friend rang me and said "well", she new he had rung as it was her husbands phone he had used, sneaky git, anyway she then went onto to tell me that her husband had asked him whether he was going to ring to see if his wife and children are ok, he said words to the affect of she can wait for me to ring her I can't be arsed, he had told everyone on this trip that he had a pay as you talk mobile and had no credit left which is why he hadn't rung me, liar, he has a contract phone. He was drinking Vodka and cokes last night which worries me, hitting the hard stuff as the beer aint working anymore no doubt. Anyway after hearing all of this and my friend's husband saying he was an absolute bleep bleep and needs to kick him out as soon as possible he is absolutely vile, for Andy to say this so harshly I'm wondering what else he's said that he is not telling me about. I am glad I was told all this after he had rung as it made me get my back up again and prepare me. Just hope the right opportunity arises to do it, God I'm going out of my mind, the thought of hearing the key in the lock makes my stomach turn.

Took Thomas for a haircut after school and he said "I wonder how Daddy's getting on with his trip", this was the first time he had asked about him. Anyway told Thomas Daddy's home tomorrow he said "yeah" and smiled, is it wrong of me to be disappointed that Tom feels happy that Daddy's back or is this reaction one because he thinks he has to say that, God knows?

I feel sooooo angry and churned up, it has to happen this weekend I just can't bear to be around the vile excuse for a human any longer, I am soooo excited about being single.

Anyway gunna go and check out website thanks for thinking my finishing words seem ok, will possibly get back online sometime tomorrow please wish me strength and courage, will let you know what happens when I can get online without him being around to catch me out. Thanks again and loads of love, had Daniel's hair cut too and is all spikey now, what a little dood he looks bless him. xxxxxxx

Don't think too much about waiting for the right time...there will never be a perfect time and waiting for it could easily become an excuse to put it off even longer. The sooner you get it over with the better, after all you know it's what you want. I know it will be hard but you'll feel so much better once you can move away from this rubbish time in your life....you've put up with it for long enough!!
Just a shame he's coming back sooner than you thought!
Thinking of you. xxx

Hi hun, how are you? I guess he's back now hope everything's ok!

Hi all and thank you so much for your last few posts they were really helpful.

Well as the title says, I'm in total turmoil, he got back around 7pm on Friday full of excuses why he couldn't ring and to be honest I don't believe a word of them and yes the abundance of calls prior to his arrival was a guilt trip your right.

The weekend for me has been vile, what makes it so impossible is when he is ok, Sunday he made the beds and brought down dirty washing etc, he never does that, he even tidied the kitchen, we went out and he was fine up until we reached the Naafi (forces rip-off supermarket) at around 2.30pm, and his face just dropped, I saw a funny birthday card and laughed showed him and not so much as a flinch just "oh right", AHHHH. It's like he sences something too? On Friday night can't remember what had happened but kids were still up and he snapped at Thomas about something and Thomas said tearfully "you've only been back 5 minutes", my heart just sank. I was building upto ringing him at work and telling him over the phone today, but he would only rush home. All weekend the first thing that's entered my head is telling him and I have had that hurrendous churning stomach feeling almost to passing out stage, the last time I felt like this was when he finished with me when I was 15, I was bizarrely enough, heart broken?

Why is it so hard to just do it, I'm certain he feels it too, I went to bed last night leaving him in the cellar on the computer and I didn't even say goodnight to him which I felt guilty about, was avoiding having to answer when he shouted up the stairs "love you"??

On Friday night he had a go at me about Thomas's pool, he has a huge pool in the garden not a built in one just inflate the ring and fill, which takes about 10 hours anyway it needs cleaning virtually everyday but the weather, like UK, has been like monsoon season here, I've never seen rain like it, so anyway didn't clean pool due to this, so he had a go at me, tried to explain and he just mumbled whatever any excuse, there were a few other things but in my opinion just him trying to muscle in after a few days away. Thomas wet his bed on Friday night and last night after being dry for a few nights whilst he was away, could be coincidence as he wet the bed one night out of the 5 he was away. One thing which I maybe wrong about, whilst he was away Thomas hardly played out in the park at all, there was the odd day when it was raining but as soon as Chris came home he has been out none stop, again it may just be me looking into things too deeply. I read something on the Women's Aid website and it stated symptoms of children being affected from domestic abuse and Thomas has quite a few, I have another thread about Thomas being depressed and this is one of the symptoms, he is also lying alot about silly things, lets face I have to do something and do it fast.

Chris asked me whether I had arranged a babysitter for Thursday night, there is a formal dining out function in the mess (full length dress), I said my friend couldn't as she was away he asked me to ask women next door, let's face it the thought of socializing with him is the last thing on my mind, sheer torture. Anyway I will have to say before then so I don't have to lie to get out of that. I just can't bare the atmosphere, we are virtually ignoring each other.

Have to hang washing out, Health Visitor coming today so will see what she says, she knows the whole story. Will come back later , if not tomorrow. Thank you again, checked out the website Elise and very interesting, I didn't know certain figures but to there reckoning could be around £209 per week, but I reckon you have to deduct rent and council tax from that, dunno, but helpful all the same, gives me an idea, thank you.

Lots of Love XXXXXX

Good morning Nicola and to anyone who reads.

Today I feel sick this is driving me insane I can't bear it. My Health Visitor came yesterday and she was such a support, she had recently been on a Domestic Violence course and she was relating back to me statistics and scenarios, it was fascinating but also scary. My God everything she spoke about I could relate to it was weird. Why do they call it Domestic Violence instead of abuse, anyway whatever??

We went out at teatime to return a modem, that was fun, not, German shop none speaking English "Spreachen zie English", they say "no" in English not "nine" AHHH then go onto speaking fluent English, anyway got money back I think just to get rid of us and we bought Thomas a Nintendo DS Lite as Daniel had got hold of his Gameboy and left it in the garden, in the rain, the terror!! Thomas thrilled beyond words and tried to sneak it to school today!! Anyway we didn't get home til 7pm kids had not their tea as I didn't expect to have been out so long, got home and he was in his usual nark, I immediately cracked on and got kids their tea, I handed him a takeaway menu knowing he would be livid as he hates anything that isn't mash and beans, I said was sorry but am not defrosting and cooking something now, he slammed about and swore alot and made is own fry-up, what a flippin sirprise, I had chinese, mmmmm lovely. We hardly spoke for the rest of the evening, no change there then and I went to bed, avoiding shouting goodnight to him down cellar steps.

He came home this morning for 10 minutes and during that time he asked me whether I had asked the woman next door whether she could babysit on Thursday night whilst we go to a mess do, I haven't as I just cannot bear the thought of going out with him, I rang him at work a minute ago and he reminded me about it, AHHHH I feel sick, God I have got to do this and soon. The Health Visitor had said to me that in her opinion and experience he has got into my head to such a degree that this is why I feel I can't leave, I have to agree. It's just when he is ok with me I feel sorry for him it's ridiculous I know but putting it off is not making any of it easy. Anyway have to go just had a call from Thomas's school he doesn't feel well, nothing to do with new game console. Be back later if I can.

Thanks for listening. Lots of love xxxxx

Hi, Well everything came to blows on Tuesday tea-time, he tackled me about the mess do asking whether I had asked our neighbour to babysit, I said I hadn't and he went mad going on and on about how I had no intentions of going, blah blah, blah, we had a row and this was all in the car after picking him up from work. Just before we got home I said "as far as i'm concerned it's over Chris, I can't carry on living like this", silence........ got in and I ignored him, worried how I was going to continue. Anyway he came into the kitchen and asked when I decided this, I went on and said been planning for years just never had the courage. Anyway had just went on and on at him as to why I didn't want to stay etc, all calm but firm. I rambled on about his behavior, attitude, selfishness, controlling etc etc, he was stunned and said very little. He then went on and asked me what I wanted him to do to make it right, to which I went mad, I said I shouldn't have to tell you how to be a decent human being, it doesn't take a Brain Surgeon to work out how to treat people and children with the respect they deserve, we talked and he said "your not gunna give up this for a grotty council house" to which I said yes I would and anyway do you think my parents would allow me and the kids to live in a grotty council house as you say? I said I didn't care anymore and just wanted out.

He is still here as we left it with him trying to do better, I don't think he will change, or should I say is capeable of change, and I feel so week and pathetic for not using this opportunity to kick him out, I was scared I suppose, what of I don't really know? Anyway one thing is for sure, he got a shock and I must admit he has been alot better, in many ways, spending time with Thomas and Daniel tidying up for me plus other stuff. However I am cheesed off to put it mildly, our fridge freezer has packed up, it was only last month that we had to get a washing machine, anyway can't afford to get a new one and don't have any credit facilities to fall back on. What infuriates me is that he has around €500 stashed away to by a new all singing all dancing bicycle, he thinks he's capeable of Tour de France after his sponsored bike ride. Anyway tackled him about using that money to buy a fridge and he won't do it, he says he will never get the money back for his bike blah blah blah. So as a result I am having to call on my friend to help us get one, she has a store card for a forces electrical store so we are going cap in hand.

Anyway must go Dan awake, be back later. Lots of love XXXX

Sorry to hear things are no better hun!

Well you're half way there now so like nicola said take the bull by the horns tell him it really is over. Do you honestly think he will change? Yeah he may be less of an a*****e for a few days but then it will be back to normal and you will remain miserable! Sorry if i sound blunt but you know you don't want to be with him and he'll never change.....lets face it he's had many a chance!

When you're back home do you plan to work or will you be claiming income support? Just wondering coz you said you thought some of the money would be for rent and council tax. As far as i'm aware if you're claiming income support or jobseekers allowance then all or a substantial percentage of your rent and council tax will be paid for you.

Hope to speak to you soon and i hope you have the courage to get rid of him for good! xxx

Just checking in, hope everything is ok! xxx

Hi all, Well finally got a moment to check-in with you all.

Let's start with, he has been better and helping out a little more. However his mood darkened on Sunday afternoon "my birthday" and he flipped his lid over Daniel touching his bike and getting oil on his hands, he shouted and said can't you keep him off my bike, I said can't you move your bike out of his way, he then shouted at the top of his voice where do you expect me to put it on my head, I said now there's an idea. This all took place in the garden so neighbours could hear. He also had a go at me for food shopping on Saturday oh and the classic which I had forgotten, I took Tom to a party on Sunday and afterwards went to the garden centre on my own which was lovely only there for half an hour so got back and asked him if he would mind picking Tom up and he barked back that he was planning to go out on his bike, I said couldn't it wait and he stropped around, Dan was having a sleep so we both couldn't go out and wasn't waking Dan so he could go on his bike, anyway needless to say I went for Tom whilst he took it easy.

So really reading this back things are not that different. The one true thing that is really eating me up is this bike fund money he has stashed away. He told me he has around €650 euros, and when you think he agreed to me borrowing money from a friend to buy a fridge, (old one decided to work now so didn't get new fridge), that money he has is vile and I can't believe that he is being so blatently selfish, how does he dare keep it for a stupid bike of €500 worth when he has only been cyling for about 2 months when there is finance for new washer to pay off and also pending fridge replacement. He really hasn't listened to what I said last week and that me and kids come first. We have our summer ball this Saturday I really don't want to go but am going to keep him happy, but dredding it. I desperately want my hair done and have done since Feb but can't really afford €100 on my hair I told him this and he said nothing, why couldn't he just give me some money to have my hair done out of his stash??

My friend says "I'd just tell him to give me it" but is so easy for someone who is not married to him. Let's face I want out and have done for ages, here we go again building up courage, again!! He really hasn't got a clue, he came home today for lunch and was in the vilest mood, I can't stand it, so no doubt will be in same mood tonight. I told him last night that the babysitter for Saturday will cost €25 upto midnight he went mad and said the night's only just getting started at that time, again thinking of himself, it will be me that has to get up at 6 with the kids, hungover, not him, he will more than likely stay in bed til around 12.

Anyway gotta go and sort Sky TV "no satelite signal" what a pain, plus need some lunch, nice to blow my stack will keep you updated when I can, sorry for the moan. I am living for the day that I can post a reply of "he's out", am excited thinking about it. Bye for now and loads a love. XXXX

Hi hun, sorry to hear things are still the same but to be totally honest with you i knew that before i even read your post!
I don't mean to sound at all nasty in saying this but if you want out (and we all know you do) then get out while you still have some sanity left, there will never be a right time and no amount of mental preperation is going to ease your worry!
The longer you wait the more you and your children will have to suffer. You know by now that he will not change.....god you've tried hard enough, so you need to make your mind up! I can't even begin to imagine how you feel and how scary it must be to be thinking about changing everything you know and are used to, but you will have the support of your family and us!

Again i'm sorry if this sounds blunt but it's the truth!
Hope to hear from you soon. xxx