My goodness, why didn't I come onto this site before now, you have all been really helpful and kind, believe me it is a comfort, I will investigate the CSL. I am almost convinced the army will contact him and bring him back from Iraq but again this is something I will have to investigate will find out from the CSL. I have thought long and hard about just going and leaving everything behind and "survivor" your comments are very reasurring, however I am thinking long term and by leaving all our belongings behind will be something I know I will live to regret, espeically being a single Mum and having to start from scratch. My parents are great and have a big house but I suppose they are just leaving it upto me to make the decision, they live in a big house so there would be plenty of room and whilst I know they would enjoy having me and their grandchildren close to hand for once, I know, like me they would soon want their space back. My idea is to get a council house or something along those lines then move straight to it if I can, but like I have said previously my husband would just flog everything or give stuff away which would really upset me, plus by just leaving with the children I would bet my life he would lie to the army and remain in the house living the life of riley which he is not allowed to do.

Ying Metal rooster - Apologies for not thanking you, you obviously did alot of research and when hubby isn't about (eg Monday) will look into it, many thanks.

You have all been sooo really helpful and my mind is getting clearer. Typically I spent a while this morning with another reply and the blumin computer froze so had to re-set. Anyway, let me just explain the Iraq thing, basically he is up for promotion in April and if he gets his next rank he will move to a new job of that rank, he knows where is wants to go and if he gets it the regiment is off to Iraq for 6 months from June to December or there abouts, so it is not definite yet, knowing my luck he won’t get promoted and he will be even worse and I won’t get the 6 month relief from him.

I reckon the one main reason for having not gone sooner is the fact that he has absolutely not the foggiest idea that there is even a problem so I have to be so certain I want to leave as I can imagine it being hell with him pleading etc, crying even, which of course this sort of behaviour I am not used to at all and I don’t want to give in. I went to a clairvoyant a few years back and they predicted that I would leave him that Christmas about 3 yrs ago and that he considers me his property and he wouldn’t let me go. Maybe he predicted the wrong year and it’s this year instead, who knows? I think aswell the difficulty I have is that he is not awful to me all the time and can be ok, but there are always digs about my weight I’m a size 18 which I don’t consider bad and if I do something wrong he calls me useful which includes the f word and others as you can imagine, everything thing he says virtually is a put down.

Your reply about his childhood I would say is very accurate and sad really, but it’s strange as he has 4 brothers and none of them are this way, if anything they are a bit pathetic and very much under the thumb, he is so different from them.

He is at the moment putting a new blind up in the lounge which we don’t need but everything he does around the house is to impress others, my friend is coming over next month, I can’t wait, but I know all this is done in the hope of praise, it is so irritating, you belive the lengths he goes to when my parents visit. Anyway had better go for now as I am writing this in the fear he is gunna wonder what I’m doing. Thank you I will be back probably later, keeps your ideas and comments coming they are a real comforter.

Thanks nicola n you are quite right he does have to take responsibility for his actions, and I am getting stronger and stronger, everytime he has a go now I think it won't be long so it washes over me a little now. Thanks